Tot ziens!

(That means goodbye.) I'm going to the Netherlands!

I am about to do a crazy thing: fly to Europe to celebrate my 40^th birthday... alone.

My husband has been pretty persistent about asking what I wanted to do for my 40^th. He had some time off... Did I want to take a trip with him? With the kids? With friends? Did I want to throw a party?

It was so kind, but everything he suggested felt stressful. Adult trips require too much childcare, family trips are exhausting and expensive. I enjoy planning parties—but I’m not sure I like actually attending them.

One day I was in the shower, and I thought, What if I went somewhere by myself? I began vigorously shampooing my hair. BY MYSELF?! I did a little spin in the shower. TOTALLY ALONE?? Was it possible?

I pitched the idea, wrapped in a towel and with my hair still soaking wet. My husband said yes, then paused, then said, “Wait... you’re going to come back, right?”

I said yes, definitely.

Then he took a couple days to process his FOMO (and the reality of parenting solo for a week). Needless to say: What a man.

My first thought was Iceland (idk??) but I eventually decided I didn’t want to chase the cold in June. I considered Spain. I read a bunch of message boards about safe solo female travel. Somehow I landed on Amsterdam with day trips to Germany and Belgium. Tulips! Windmills! Bikes! Chocolate! Cheese! I kind of blacked out for a few days, during which I booked an AirBnB with a pull-down bed and a teensy table on which to place my watercolors. By the time I regained consciousness, I couldn’t get my deposit back. I had no choice but to buy plane tickets.

It's happening! Of all the things I think I cannot do, leave my children to travel alone in Europe is pretty high on the list. But, hey, I’ve done plenty of things I didn’t think I could. I don’t know if I’m setting a good example for my kids, but I’m setting *an* example!

My brother-in-law tells people I’m going to “eat-pray-love,” like Liz Gilbert when she blew up her life to carb-load in Italy and take a lover in Bali. I’ll set aside my issues with that trope of midlife femininity for now and just publicly declare that I am not secretly divorcing my husband or planning to find a Dutch lover. I am very happy in my regular South Carolina life (and I promise I’m not going to Amsterdam because they have lots of drugs).

Some of you know I got married when I was 20. Thankfully, my teenage-self turned out to have impeccable taste in men. But since I spent my 21^st birthday figuring out how to cook a frozen lasagna and fold a fitted sheet, I never did all that adventure-y stuff people do in their twenties. Missing that was something I made peace with long ago—so the chance to travel now, during this random, busy, caretaking season in my life, is mind-blowing.

And get this: My sister’s family was planning a trip to Italy at the same time, and we worked it out for her to fly to Amsterdam and spend three nights with me before she headed back home. It is the best of all the worlds: half a week of sister, half a week alone. !!!!!!

I’m planning to write a lot while I’m there, but my wooooorst nightmare is showing up unwanted in people’s inboxes. So if you want to follow my trip, you have to sign up separately for those emails, a section I’m calling DISPATCHES FROM THE NETHERLANDS. Honestly, it’s such a pain to go through this step, but I can’t bear the thought of yammering on about those little wooden Dutch clogs to someone who doesn’t care about little wooden Dutch clogs.

They’re called klompen! I mean!

So. You have to click below to manage your subscription. Under Notifications, you’ll see a little button for “Dispatches.” Slide that to green, and you’ll get the emails. (They will only come for the next 8 or 9 days, then never again from that particular publication.)

*click here to subscribe to trip updates*

See ya on the other side.