As a serial mover, who was always trying to find "the place," I can understand addiction to change. Over the years I've realized that there is no perfect place and that belonging comes when and where I create it (I do find some places easier for me to create belonging in than others). At this point in my life, I'd be alright with physically settling down. However, I've just made yet another move, which probably won't be my last. But your piece reminds me that even in constant geographical flux, I can find stability, in myself, in my family, in my gardens planted everywhere I go. Thank you.
Thank you for this thoughtful essay. I grew up constantly on the move. First in a military family and later moving at the whim of my husband's corporate job. When I finally had a chance to stay (though not in a place of my choosing), I began to feel irritable and hyper critical of everything and everyone. When things get uncomfortable, it is easier to leave than to stay. I appreciated hearing the other side, from someone who stayed. For that perspective, I'm also looking forward to reading Annie B. Jones' new book of essays, Ordinary Time. I love your analogy of solid and liquid. As a too, liquid being, I wish I could stop looking for the perfect container.
I absolutely understand the hyper critique that comes along with the itch to move. In many ways, it's easier to leave than stay with relationships, a climate, a cultural context. Will check out Ordinary Time!
One of the learning goals for my philosophy department used to be "comfort with ambiguity"--basically this exact idea. Learning to live with tension and even to prefer or enjoy it is tough but rewarding.
such a great essay. i've always lived in the northeast which is well suited to who I am and have never really worried about "fitting in". but i also think that liberal places like boston and cambridge, and seattle and portland, have their own hegemonies and expectations. so you have to be ok with who you are wherever you are.
Always a pleasure reading your thoughtful work. You are the first person in a long time to mention Bauman's book. "Liquid Modernity" had a huge impact on my thinking when I first read it in 2005 during the time I made the decision to leave my stable University position. I once had a mentor who noted that for institutions their best interests were served by two types of leaders. The first is the charismatic, change everything disruptor and introducer of new ideas etc. The second is the stable, long-standing leader who can effect those deeper, embedded problems through patient incremental change. The key is knowing the proper timing--I would suppose equally true for individuals as well.
I'm deeply pondering your words. I once had a manager who always chided us when we grumbled about instability and change, "Hold the ambiguity." We mostly held it. As a team, we built lessons and structures for teachers and administrators to improve and meet the needs of our children. Then we turned to them and said, "Hold the ambiguity."
The world is and never has been all or nothing, black or white, us or them (although we try to shape it that way). We are all here together. The challenge will remain. Holding liquidity and stability in the same hand requires openness and respect for the freedom of others. I've come to believe that our greatest hope may be in building communities around our shared humanity.
I continue to ponder and build in my small circle.
As a serial mover, who was always trying to find "the place," I can understand addiction to change. Over the years I've realized that there is no perfect place and that belonging comes when and where I create it (I do find some places easier for me to create belonging in than others). At this point in my life, I'd be alright with physically settling down. However, I've just made yet another move, which probably won't be my last. But your piece reminds me that even in constant geographical flux, I can find stability, in myself, in my family, in my gardens planted everywhere I go. Thank you.
Gosh. I understand longing for “the place.”
Thank you for this thoughtful essay. I grew up constantly on the move. First in a military family and later moving at the whim of my husband's corporate job. When I finally had a chance to stay (though not in a place of my choosing), I began to feel irritable and hyper critical of everything and everyone. When things get uncomfortable, it is easier to leave than to stay. I appreciated hearing the other side, from someone who stayed. For that perspective, I'm also looking forward to reading Annie B. Jones' new book of essays, Ordinary Time. I love your analogy of solid and liquid. As a too, liquid being, I wish I could stop looking for the perfect container.
I absolutely understand the hyper critique that comes along with the itch to move. In many ways, it's easier to leave than stay with relationships, a climate, a cultural context. Will check out Ordinary Time!
Yes yes yes
Everything you say here is so wise. I’ve heard good things about Ordinary Time. Report back!
I’m saving this to re-read more than once.
It reminds me of an old story about scientists’ competing to discover
“the universal solvent.” After one of them thought to ask, “how will we contain it once we create it?” they decided water was universal enough.
I’ve come to believe the wisdom we all hope for as we age is the increasing ability to hold paradox. This essay certainly resonated with me.
Yes I very much believe this. Thanks Sheila.
One of the learning goals for my philosophy department used to be "comfort with ambiguity"--basically this exact idea. Learning to live with tension and even to prefer or enjoy it is tough but rewarding.
I couldn't agree more.
You’ve captured the nuance and necessary tension here so beautifully. I really love this.
Thanks Erin.
such a great essay. i've always lived in the northeast which is well suited to who I am and have never really worried about "fitting in". but i also think that liberal places like boston and cambridge, and seattle and portland, have their own hegemonies and expectations. so you have to be ok with who you are wherever you are.
Yes I think you’re so right. It’s just another version of tribalism.
Lindsey,
Always a pleasure reading your thoughtful work. You are the first person in a long time to mention Bauman's book. "Liquid Modernity" had a huge impact on my thinking when I first read it in 2005 during the time I made the decision to leave my stable University position. I once had a mentor who noted that for institutions their best interests were served by two types of leaders. The first is the charismatic, change everything disruptor and introducer of new ideas etc. The second is the stable, long-standing leader who can effect those deeper, embedded problems through patient incremental change. The key is knowing the proper timing--I would suppose equally true for individuals as well.
Well Done
David! What I wouldn’t give to sit down with you for coffee to discuss this. Thanks for being here.
I'm deeply pondering your words. I once had a manager who always chided us when we grumbled about instability and change, "Hold the ambiguity." We mostly held it. As a team, we built lessons and structures for teachers and administrators to improve and meet the needs of our children. Then we turned to them and said, "Hold the ambiguity."
The world is and never has been all or nothing, black or white, us or them (although we try to shape it that way). We are all here together. The challenge will remain. Holding liquidity and stability in the same hand requires openness and respect for the freedom of others. I've come to believe that our greatest hope may be in building communities around our shared humanity.
I continue to ponder and build in my small circle.
Thank you!